Postal Queries: Unreturned Mail

They’re there, sitting on the desk, piling up in the inbox. Your wonderful pen pals have all written you back and you were elated to hear from them. Somehow, they’ve all been conspiring to return all the letters at once and now you’re feeling like you don’t even know where to start writing someone back. Another day goes by, and then another, and now you feel embarrassed that you haven’t returned it. Another day passes. Maybe they’ll think their letter got lost in the mail. Another day. Another. Maybe they’ll think you moved. Maybe… they’ll think you died. Feeling guilty enough yet?

Well, don’t! What? That’s right. I do not want anyone to feel mail guilt ever. Why? Because writing letters should be fun, it shouldn’t be an obligation or something that you spend half a page apologizing for at the start of your letter. Letters don’t go bad. They’ll wait til you’re ready.

I am not advocating not writing back. I’m just letting you know that it’s okay if you can’t write back right now. Chances are, you can’t write back because you’re busy doing stuff. It’ll be great for your pen pal to hear about that stuff when you’re ready.

Kathy has a technique that I love. If she is really behind in responses, she’ll send a quick postcard to let her friend know that their letter arrived and she’s excited to write them back soon. I’m no good at that; I just make people wait. I am not immune to letter guilt, but I do my best not to let it get me down. In my eventual reply, I try to spend no more than two sentences apologizing for my tardiness.

What do you do when you've got a late letter? Your suggestions and questions are always welcome! Mind your Ps & Qs,

P.S. I know I'm behind in my mail right now because I've been preparing for the Renegade Craft Fair this Saturday and Sunday at the Fort Mason Center Festival Pavilion in San Francisco. Hope to see you there!

Comments

[Cindy]

"Letters don't go bad"--I love that! Thanks for the reminder :)

[Stine]

A tardy reply is much better than no reply.

[Jackie]

I, too, am bad about letting them pile up. I never mind a late reply because why should I expect them to do any different! I keep telling myself I will be more diligent about it, but that hasn't worked so far.

[Hannah]

I also have to hold back on apologizing for tardy replies. But I remind myself, they don't want to hear apologies, they want to hear about life and all the lovely thoughts worth sharing! Thanks for this post though, it's nice to know I'm not the only one to ever write a late response.

[Joan Clarke]

I don't have mail guilt because I'm one of those who replies promptly...not more than a week goes by before I send a note or letter. But I'm not working, I have lots of free time. Few obligations, so it's much simpler for me to get those letters posted. I do understand that life gets in the way and I'm not put off by longer waits by my pen pals, all of them work full time.

[Marissa]

For me, this is where having some pre-stamped postcards come in handy. If you know you're going to be having a busy week, and the mail is piling up, it takes little effort to jot down a note on a postcard to let your pen-pals know they won't be receiving a letter from you for a while. At least they get a "picture" to look at from you. But if you're in Donovan's situation, I agree that a tardy reply is better than no reply! We're all busy adults and no one should make you feel bad that you haven't responded to their letter.

[Davina]

I only suffer from mild mail guilt as I don't mind getting replies from my pen pals after long lapses. I have a number of international pen pals and I understand sometimes mail can get held up or people simply get busy. "Letters don't go bad" are words I live by. Part of the fun of letter writing is the surprise of each mail day!

[Adrienne]

The trap I see myself and my pen pals falling into is longer and longer letters with longer and longer between mailings! For myself, I've decided that while letters should be thoughtful responses to that (massive-novel-length) last letter, postcards are exempt. I can send a postcard anytime and not feel like I'm messing up the repartee!

[psychiatra w Krakowie]

That Great Intelligence, which is what most of my research and countless studies on millions of people to deaqth every year--Constipation? There is also some longer term goals, you're thinking bikini season, whatever, and maybe the banana seems like the better snack.