Mourning Stationery

{Letters from the Whistler collection at the Smithsonian written on mourning stationery}

Despite my love for morbid things, the reality of death as it pertains to me personally isn't something I tend to think about. My own death, I'm not really bothered by, but I don't like to consider how my grandparents are in declining health and how I am going to have to think about what to do for my parents in their dotage. 

A friend recently lost a family member and contacted me to see if I knew of any sources of mourning stationery. Mourning stationery, like mourning dress, is a thing that used to be a lot more prevalent in society. In case the name wasn't a clue, mourning stationery is stationery used while a person is in mourning. It is typically white or ivory stock with a black border. The thickness of the border lessens over time until it eventually is gone all together and the sender is out of mourning.

With the decline in letter writing and the changes regarding how our society deals with grieving, mourning stationery is hard to find. There can be some vintage lots on eBay or Etsy, but it is probably easier to make for oneself. Engraver Nancy Sharon Collins found that to be the case when she was in mourning for her husband and wrote an indepth article for Felt & Wire on the subject.

To make your own stationery for mourning, you'll need some basic supplies: a high quality white stock with matching envelopes, black ink, a ruler, and black ink pens. There are many different ways to edge a card, and you'll want to experiment with what works best for your paper stock. Some papers are more absorbent than others and you might not get the effect you want with liquid ink and a brush; so you would want to try it with a pen instead. Simply mark out the thickness of the border you want and fill it in with ink. It does take some patience to maintain a nice line. You can also try masking off the area with tape, but I find that be more trouble than it's worth. Often the ink seeps under the tape anyway. If you do go over the line, you can extend your border with your ruler and ink pen, covering any little mistakes if you want to. You may also want to do a couple of coats of ink to get a uniform blackness to your edge.

Outlining the edges of your envelopes also takes a bit of patience. Align your ruler along the envelope seams and mark out a line of your desired weight with your black ink pen. Then fill in your lines with black ink. I find a pen easier to do this with than a brush. You can avoid marking on the body of the envelope if you place a scrap piece of paper under the seams as you fill them in. When finished you should have a matched black and white set to properly convey your sentiments during your period of greif. I know that the process of making things is soothing for me; so hopefully, making your mourning stationery may have that effect for you as well.

Comments

[Sheila A Beck]

Very nice.

[thesnailmailer]

I actually have a huge stack of sympathy cards from the 1960's when my grandmother died. They are an unexpected link to a woman I never met.

[Christy Schiffer]

I live in Vienna, and you can still find this stationery (in fact, I bought it the first time thinking it looked cool, and not realizing it was mourning stationery). Most of the time, they are just black-edged single pieces of card stock, with matching envelopes. I always understood that they were supposed to be for sending condolences, not just for the person themselves in mourning.

I'm fortunate that I haven't had to use mine very often, but I think the look is terrific. I wouldn't want to send one to someone out of context (gosh that would be some bad mojo!), but I think it's such a great look. This would be terrific in a variety of colors, and I think I'm going to edge some Christmas card envelopes this year!

[Jeff]

Interesting. In today's world, that would be seen as seeking attention.

[Goodmailday]

That's an interesting perspective, Jeff, and one that I myself have wondered about. I considered that one could use the mourning stationery to acknowledge condolences received.

It is interesting that, while often the Victorians are characterized as being "obsessed with death," the whole mourning process was much more accepted and considered normal than it is today. We are just expected to get on with it....

I don't know what I would think if an acquaintance wrote me a letter on mourning stationery, especially if I was not aware that he or she had lost a family member or loved one. I almost see it as an open acknowledgement of the fact that Things Have Changed and that, if the writer seems different, it is because he or she in fact is.

[Ana]

I purchased some black-edged writing paper from a Hallmark store last year only to sit down to write and think , " this looks like mourning stationery". I turned out to have need of it in January when my step father passed away. While we were not close, the experience of wakes, funerals and my family's heartache made the black-edged stationery seem suitable. Just as writing letter that week on hello Kitty stationery would have seemed oddly insensitive and inappropriate.

[Reg]

Crane carries them as well. I bought a largish pack of them when my father died and used them exclusively for correspondence until they ran out. It wasn't a full year, but it felt right to observe mourning in that way.

[Reg]

Also, re: Jeff's comment. I honestly don't think anyone noticed. I used some to reply to condolences I received, but most went completely unremarked upon—by both those who knew my father had died and those who didn't. I think the custom is old enough—and letter writing rare enough—that "nice stationery" is to be remarked upon before "stationery with a black border".

…I also sealed exclusively in black wax until the stationery ran out.